random break from labeling

This is a completely random vent/ break from my 2670, yes twenty-six thousand and seventy, labels I have to put on envelopes.
Not complaining about the work, it is something to do and I’d rather be busy than searching for work, so that’s not the point of this random look into my day and vent, just wanted to sit back and break and let this out.

I think there are certain qualities of a person that don’t belong in the work place, I mean obviously there is always going to be that one person who has them, no matter where you work, but certain personalities traits need to be left at the door as soon as you enter the work place, wherever that may be.
Now I’m not one of those people who thinks all parts of your personal life should be left at home, in reality yes, they should be, but that’s practically impossible. You work with these people every day, there are going to be times that you talk about personal things, they get to know you, they know parts of your personal life. BUT one thing I think should be left at home is your dating ventures, yes you can talk about who you are dating, IF ASKED, talk about a date, IF ASKED, talk about spouse or kids IF ASKED, but DO NOT look for a mate at the workplace! DO NOT expect to find someone to date where you work. I mean do you really want to work with someone everyday and then spend all your time at home with them as well, probably not, so don’t complain about how everyone you work with is in a relationship and you are not, do not hope that one of your co-workers breaks up with their boyfriend or girlfriend (or spouse) so you can date them, DO NOT continually flirt with them and tell others how you agree or disagree with their relationship because you want to date them… leave it at home, talk about it with your outside of work friends—it doesn’t belong in the office, or just shut up.

There is also usually a nosey person in every office, but you don’t need to know what someone is doing every second of the day, you don’t need to know who they were talking to on their cellphone and you DON”T EVER ask about job opportunities. If you are an intern and applying for jobs at the same place as other interns (or not even interns, in general) DO NOT ask why you think you are no longer being considered and they are…obviously they are better qualified then you… don’t seek pity, shut up, suck it up and move on. Maybe you are not cut out for the job, maybe you have a lot less experience then you think. Another thing along with this, DON’T BRAG..it’s annoying, unattractive (back to the first part) and just not a good quality to have in anyone, especially if you have no right to brag. At times, yes its good to say when you’ve done something and are proud of it, and if its worth bragging about I’m glad to hear it but I don’t care if it isn’t really a big deal.

I could go on, but I better get back to my labels, maybe I’ll vent again later…I do have a interview thingy later, not really because I can’t get a job here because unlike all the other interns I’m still in school, but I at least want people to know I’m interested and to remember me in a year…so wish me luck on my “talk” haha (I know no one reads this)

Anyway, back to the labels..

oh ya and I really dont care what you are applying for, honestly if you get a job here, I'd be surprised and I may in deed continue looking out of state for next year..(that was mean..opps)

at work...

Right now I am at work, so I don’t know how well this entry is going to go (don’t get mad, I’m allowed to look around on the computer when I have nothing to do, and I’m actually typing this in Word, so as not to be on my blog at work..oh how I love to cut corners). I’ve just got some things I need to work out and sometimes the best way I can do that is through my fingers typing away at the computer I just don’t know what I”ll actually get to since I’m expecting a day of examining excel sheets in my future. :)

Plus, today seems to be starting out slow and I’m alone in my lovely intern office today. I’m enjoying the peace and lack of annoying bragging going on to my left, but I am kinda missing Kerri’s wacky stories, she really does meet the craziest people.

Is it bad that I sort of love my little corner mini cube? I mean yes, we have three interns shoved in a small office, but I do have the window of the office and I have my cute signs made to welcome me and my amazing penguin I made for an example at the Christmas in July Holiday Card Art Party. I showed Joe around Friday night, not inside but I asked him to drive me over here so he could see where I worked and so I of course could show him where the terrorists are planning their next attack.

No seriously, there is the most creepy building at the entrance of the CHOA office park. It used to be a Bellsouth Tower attached to a nasty looking motel, now it is well an empty tower surrounded by fences and barbed wire in parts, with a creepy motel that never has more than one car in front of it. The rest of the cars park underground, and there is a security guard that is there 24/7, ya Joe and I saw the guy watching tv in there at 9 at night… something shady is going on over there… I want to know what it is!

Jason just came back…I’m waiting for the “funny” story of the morning for the reason he is late…probably because he has his second interview for the job I want but can’t even interview for because I still have a year of college. Blah, stupid college.

Life just doesn’t like me right now, it’s the conclusion I’ve come to. I’m not going to be able to go into all I want to right now, partly because Jason just came back and mostly because I know those excel sheets are on their way to make my day, oh joy. But, I’ve never been so confused in my life, trying to be an adult sucks. I’ve finally let myself start thinking about the future and I’m scared out of my mind and no longer know what I want, which is almost scarier than knowing the answer and not liking it. I just want answers, I know I have to give it to God, but my “God box” is at school and I haven’t broken down to the point where I’m willing to give it up. It’s my stubborn nature, I’ve prayed about it, but letting someone else, even if it is God, have complete control over whats going to happen is going to be a process, and slowly I’m getting there.

Basically I’m just going to leave it at this…

“The word “Passion” comes from the latin word, passio which means ‘to suffer’.”

Sidenote: I really really do not like people that talk just to hear themselves talk and think everything they do and say is better than anyone else…yes I am talking about a particular person that I will so glad to not have to see again after this week.

p.s. I can’t believe my last post was just over a month ago, and how that was one of the first times I let myself think about the future this time and how twisted my mind has come since then…

break me…

just the way he speaks drives me crazy and not in a good way, and i realize that now. after-the-fact.
After-the-fact...what a strange yet depressing term. Sometimes I wish we didnt' have to learn after the fact. I wish i could see straight through people, see past the fake intentions and insecurities to what makes them act... we'll see.

running today i thought of something, well no something I pretty much continually think about lately..and by lately i mean the last 9 months..(no i'm not pregnant!!!! ) yes, joseph :) and then I thought about brandon chandler..weird huh? For those of you who dont know BC, he lived in my neighborhood before i moved to where my parents live now and we were decently good friends. We always discussed relationships and such and something he always told me (as background-he was never really given the chance he deserved from girls, including myself) that "nice guys finish last" and ya know what....I hope he is right. I have the perfect guy, and secretly I hope he does finish last, because that means I get to continue to have the best guy I could ever dream of...


ok enough of that..i dont think like that anymore for a reason..same reason i keep biting my tongue...things are good why mess them up...

i'm yours..

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Scooch closer dear
and i will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
this is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family (2nd time: A lá happy family; 3rd time: A lá peaceful melody)
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't hesitate
no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is your's!

unraveling enigma

I love how I still get excited when Joe and I go on dates..granted we've both been poor lately and haven't gone on a "real" date in awhile, but I feel so giddy knowing that he's about to come pick me up and take me to dinner.. 7 months ago he was just my best friend, and we were just getting back to that best friend status after a long period of awkwardness...

i know i still confuse the boy, and that is partly because I am woman (hear me rawr..ha) and the other just because I'm his enigma.."a person of puzzling or contradictory character,a riddle"
I dont see how I'm a riddle to him anymore, I dont see how he can't see straight through me...straight thru the "I like yous" to see that they are really "I love yous" ...but how do you tell someone you've confused for the last two years that you honestly love them and dont want to confuse them anymore..or even harder how do you let your own heart believe the I love you coming from your voice after hearing it so many other times and knowing there was no substance to it..
Love is my enigma...I still don't understand God's love, no thats wrong, I do understand God's love I just lose grasp of it too easily...but I haven't figured out how to find the connection between Loving God first and loving others second...I think love follows another definition of enigma...something that baffles understanding and cannot be explained;...

continuing to climb but never settling and trying to jump..

forgive and forget

last sunday-easter sunday, my church started out with a familar song that I never thought of in the way it was portrayed..partly because i never thought about the words. (my church is very very contemporary)

the transporters song..what i've done by linkin park
In this farewell There's no blood There's no alibi
Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth Of a thousand lies
So let mercy come And wash away
What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
Put to rest What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands Of uncertainty
So let mercy come
And wash away
What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
For what I've done I'll start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done

these lyrics are so powerful, and to answer the question i just received...i needed it to forgive..i need it to let go.
Baggage sucks.period.
Go to God, lay it down on the alter, give it up. All easy words, all almost impossible actions. "Come Beloved"...i hear it, i fear it more..

A knot of thankfulness and hurt because of one person. I thank God he was in my life, because he brought me out of a hole so deep, a torment so wide, a friend when i felt i had none, because he gave me hope and made me realize maybe i did deserve better...but then nothing...I emailed him today, just to say hey...i am beyond happy with Joseph so no fear in that...i even heard he has a girl too..so no harm done...Now he is in the box, God has it under control.."Today this ends"

next step: dealing with saturday...

Let mercy come ...

swinging of life

i'm confused at life..it just wont swing my way.