unraveling enigma

I love how I still get excited when Joe and I go on dates..granted we've both been poor lately and haven't gone on a "real" date in awhile, but I feel so giddy knowing that he's about to come pick me up and take me to dinner.. 7 months ago he was just my best friend, and we were just getting back to that best friend status after a long period of awkwardness...

i know i still confuse the boy, and that is partly because I am woman (hear me rawr..ha) and the other just because I'm his enigma.."a person of puzzling or contradictory character,a riddle"
I dont see how I'm a riddle to him anymore, I dont see how he can't see straight through me...straight thru the "I like yous" to see that they are really "I love yous" ...but how do you tell someone you've confused for the last two years that you honestly love them and dont want to confuse them anymore..or even harder how do you let your own heart believe the I love you coming from your voice after hearing it so many other times and knowing there was no substance to it..
Love is my enigma...I still don't understand God's love, no thats wrong, I do understand God's love I just lose grasp of it too easily...but I haven't figured out how to find the connection between Loving God first and loving others second...I think love follows another definition of enigma...something that baffles understanding and cannot be explained;...

continuing to climb but never settling and trying to jump..