seaching, reaching, fearing...

just a note to start this out..i've done everything else possible to not write this, my mind is searching and reaching for fear that it will find the answers...

there once was a girl who lived in a house. behind her house was a field of large towering grass which in correct seasons bloomed with sunflowers, daises and poppyseeds. Past that field is a fence, that surrounds the grounds of her house as well as the field. Beyond that fence is the largest tree the girl had ever seen, possibly that had ever grown. If you could get past that tree, and see through its lusty, dependable branches you could see the whole sky and if you looked close enough you could see that star...
getting to the tree was always half her battle, another climbing each of its hundreds of branches to reach the top. there...at the top was where she was always left questioning. This was the point she could venture out just a little further to see the star to reach up and grasp it even, see from this branch, on the edge she could almost reach the heavens, if she took a leap further than the branc she could hold it forever....thats where her problems began...
she was ok in the fields, especially when the daisies were in bloom, and everyonce in awhile she could get herself to go past the gate into the dangers of the open and the tree. Climbing the tree, she'd done her fair share of attempts, but the problem with leaping to catch the star from a branch not high enough was that she'd always fall and with a tree with that many branches she didn't always come down in a comfy pillow of satisifaction for trying...she felt every scratch and bruise that came with it.
she has questioned herself countless times on why she even tries to get to that branch again, but she's through the field--and this was not a season of flowers but of a scarecrow covered in crows-crept through the gate that she had forgotten to close and climbed each daunting branch till she reached the top. thats where she stays...ever inching closer to the edge...she came close tonight to jumping..leaping to see if this time she would land with it's brightness still with her...but as tears welled up in her eyes and she caught the sight of it, she held her breathe...then released it and crawl back to her spot on the top branch...there she was safe...there she could see without falling..
...the problem comes when she can't figure out which hurts worse...leaping and falling only to find the comfort of each caloused branch being her glove...or the thought of the star escaping her sight without ever knowing just how much she desired to be near it...
another day she thought as the climbed down each branch...another day...


...playing piano with your eyes closed...i know every note, its written in my fingers...they just dont trust themselves...thats where i start i guess...