Sunday, August 17, 2008

scared

School starts in three days
I move back to Milly tomorrow
I'm pretty sure it will only be me and kfo this year
Counting Jellybeans...or skittles
I dont know if I have a job
I'm pretty sure I'm taking 17 hours this semester.....
So out of shape
Just got back from a full SEVEN days with Joseph and his family, including six extended family members
Amanda wont be around next year
I'm an aunt!
What if I dont get the job I want after I graduate?
Is it possible to keep things together when it is all falling apart?
Why is everyone engaged?
what happens when the passion disappears but the pain remains?
Is the future really that terrifying?
He is my favorite...
I want my happy ending, but too afraid to find it..

Finally..
I'm broken..

Thursday, August 7, 2008

random break from labeling

This is a completely random vent/ break from my 2670, yes twenty-six thousand and seventy, labels I have to put on envelopes.
Not complaining about the work, it is something to do and I’d rather be busy than searching for work, so that’s not the point of this random look into my day and vent, just wanted to sit back and break and let this out.

I think there are certain qualities of a person that don’t belong in the work place, I mean obviously there is always going to be that one person who has them, no matter where you work, but certain personalities traits need to be left at the door as soon as you enter the work place, wherever that may be.
Now I’m not one of those people who thinks all parts of your personal life should be left at home, in reality yes, they should be, but that’s practically impossible. You work with these people every day, there are going to be times that you talk about personal things, they get to know you, they know parts of your personal life. BUT one thing I think should be left at home is your dating ventures, yes you can talk about who you are dating, IF ASKED, talk about a date, IF ASKED, talk about spouse or kids IF ASKED, but DO NOT look for a mate at the workplace! DO NOT expect to find someone to date where you work. I mean do you really want to work with someone everyday and then spend all your time at home with them as well, probably not, so don’t complain about how everyone you work with is in a relationship and you are not, do not hope that one of your co-workers breaks up with their boyfriend or girlfriend (or spouse) so you can date them, DO NOT continually flirt with them and tell others how you agree or disagree with their relationship because you want to date them… leave it at home, talk about it with your outside of work friends—it doesn’t belong in the office, or just shut up.

There is also usually a nosey person in every office, but you don’t need to know what someone is doing every second of the day, you don’t need to know who they were talking to on their cellphone and you DON”T EVER ask about job opportunities. If you are an intern and applying for jobs at the same place as other interns (or not even interns, in general) DO NOT ask why you think you are no longer being considered and they are…obviously they are better qualified then you… don’t seek pity, shut up, suck it up and move on. Maybe you are not cut out for the job, maybe you have a lot less experience then you think. Another thing along with this, DON’T BRAG..it’s annoying, unattractive (back to the first part) and just not a good quality to have in anyone, especially if you have no right to brag. At times, yes its good to say when you’ve done something and are proud of it, and if its worth bragging about I’m glad to hear it but I don’t care if it isn’t really a big deal.

I could go on, but I better get back to my labels, maybe I’ll vent again later…I do have a interview thingy later, not really because I can’t get a job here because unlike all the other interns I’m still in school, but I at least want people to know I’m interested and to remember me in a year…so wish me luck on my “talk” haha (I know no one reads this)

Anyway, back to the labels..

oh ya and I really dont care what you are applying for, honestly if you get a job here, I'd be surprised and I may in deed continue looking out of state for next year..(that was mean..opps)

Monday, August 4, 2008

at work...

Right now I am at work, so I don’t know how well this entry is going to go (don’t get mad, I’m allowed to look around on the computer when I have nothing to do, and I’m actually typing this in Word, so as not to be on my blog at work..oh how I love to cut corners). I’ve just got some things I need to work out and sometimes the best way I can do that is through my fingers typing away at the computer I just don’t know what I”ll actually get to since I’m expecting a day of examining excel sheets in my future. :)

Plus, today seems to be starting out slow and I’m alone in my lovely intern office today. I’m enjoying the peace and lack of annoying bragging going on to my left, but I am kinda missing Kerri’s wacky stories, she really does meet the craziest people.

Is it bad that I sort of love my little corner mini cube? I mean yes, we have three interns shoved in a small office, but I do have the window of the office and I have my cute signs made to welcome me and my amazing penguin I made for an example at the Christmas in July Holiday Card Art Party. I showed Joe around Friday night, not inside but I asked him to drive me over here so he could see where I worked and so I of course could show him where the terrorists are planning their next attack.

No seriously, there is the most creepy building at the entrance of the CHOA office park. It used to be a Bellsouth Tower attached to a nasty looking motel, now it is well an empty tower surrounded by fences and barbed wire in parts, with a creepy motel that never has more than one car in front of it. The rest of the cars park underground, and there is a security guard that is there 24/7, ya Joe and I saw the guy watching tv in there at 9 at night… something shady is going on over there… I want to know what it is!

Jason just came back…I’m waiting for the “funny” story of the morning for the reason he is late…probably because he has his second interview for the job I want but can’t even interview for because I still have a year of college. Blah, stupid college.

Life just doesn’t like me right now, it’s the conclusion I’ve come to. I’m not going to be able to go into all I want to right now, partly because Jason just came back and mostly because I know those excel sheets are on their way to make my day, oh joy. But, I’ve never been so confused in my life, trying to be an adult sucks. I’ve finally let myself start thinking about the future and I’m scared out of my mind and no longer know what I want, which is almost scarier than knowing the answer and not liking it. I just want answers, I know I have to give it to God, but my “God box” is at school and I haven’t broken down to the point where I’m willing to give it up. It’s my stubborn nature, I’ve prayed about it, but letting someone else, even if it is God, have complete control over whats going to happen is going to be a process, and slowly I’m getting there.

Basically I’m just going to leave it at this…

“The word “Passion” comes from the latin word, passio which means ‘to suffer’.”

Sidenote: I really really do not like people that talk just to hear themselves talk and think everything they do and say is better than anyone else…yes I am talking about a particular person that I will so glad to not have to see again after this week.

p.s. I can’t believe my last post was just over a month ago, and how that was one of the first times I let myself think about the future this time and how twisted my mind has come since then…

break me…